he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
