He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
