she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
