They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
