Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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