White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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