Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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