Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
