Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
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Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
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I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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