u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
