There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
