the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
