I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
