the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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