my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
