I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
