I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
