Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
