I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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