Only a mothe r could love this liver
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
