Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
