Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
