those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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