Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
