Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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