Apparently you make a good broom.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
