I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
