i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
