I wanna passion pit in your ass
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Of course I have a pirate flag
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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