lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
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Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I AM VODKA MAN
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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