I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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