she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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