R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
