Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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