and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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