She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
