Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
