upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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