im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
