last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
