Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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