Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
