this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
