I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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