Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
