Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
