We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
