i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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