I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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