I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am one with the molecules
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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