I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize