Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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