dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
