I'm retarded. Again.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick