i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
