i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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