I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
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just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
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We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
FUCK WHALES
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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