Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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