I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
