someone owes me an orgasm
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
