I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
